This weekend I was indeed a bridesmaid, and by chance I was also nursing. I learned a very important lesson this weekend......if ever asked to be a bridesmaid while you are nursing a baby....politely decline. I mean really, it just does not work well. Over a year ago, I was asked to be in a wedding. I was mildly pregnant, if there is such a thing. You know pretty early on and not really thinking about having a baby, finding a sitter, pumping milk, praying he took a bottle and so on. I was just looking at the present and said sure. After all I was really happy for Mary and Matt.
Fast forward to ordering the dress and then reordering the dress in a different (bigger) size to fit my 3 month post baby body or better yet 3 month post baby boobs...the wedding weekend was finally here. I had made arrangements for a babysitter for my tikes, I had given Noah a bottle each week to prepare him for being away from my boobs all day, I had pumped enough milk to feed a small NICU for a month and I was preparing myself for being away from my baby for a whole day and night. I was going to miss my little guy and miss feeding him, you know it is not often that someone else gets to feed him. But I really was ready for a day off.... a day for hanging out with the girls...a day to not feel like a 24 hour milk bar...a night alone with my hubby to relax and enjoy myself. Or so I thought....
My day started out at 5:30am waking up to nurse Noah and then start getting ready. I then helped my husband to pack all the bottles we would need and all the frozen milk and the pump and the pump accessories and so on. Not to mention all the stuff I had to pack for the wedding and me and the kids. So we headed to Nola at 9:30am with kids, clothing, wedding accessories and the Pump in Style in tow. And really what is stylish about a pump? It comes in a big, bulky black bag that has two cone-shaped suction cups that attach it to you via long cords of clear tubing and makes the most hideous suction noise ever! Pump in style, I didn't realize there was such a thing.
We arrived in Nola just in time to drop my kids off at the babysitter, eat a quick sandwich and then get back in the car with Noah to bring me and my stylish pump downtown to the hotel where we would be getting dressed. I brought Noah so that I could nurse him one last time for the day. He normally nurses about every 2 hours, but I was going to try and go every 3 hours to pump. It would be easy, I would just bring my pump with me and nurse at the hotel and reception every 3 hours, not a problem. Yeah right! I was so stressing out about this.
So I nurse my babe and he and Josh leave me and honestly my heart broke a little. I mean I was looking forward to a day off, and here I am longing to stay near him. Looking forward to a day of not being a milk bar, and then I looked at my stylish pump and thought bring me my babe back! So 2.5 hours after nursing my littlest tike, my pumping adventure began. I went into the bathroom of our hotel room and sat on the toilet as I pumped, I know how sanitary!
After pumping I put on my lovely bridesmaid dress that did a wonderful job of accentuating my chest. At 5pm when I put my dress on, I looked like Calista Flockhart - really small, flat boobs...I had pumped those babies dry. At 6:30 when we left for the church it still fit, just a little tighter across the chest, I guess I looked like me... pre-baby, nice full c-cups! At 8:30pm I had not pumped in a good 4 hours and my milk had come in twice, I was dying. I left the church looking like Dolly freakin' Parton! I was obnoxious, my dress was about to tear. The sweet young bridesmaid, who did not have children, that was standing next to me almost died when she looked over and viewed my boobs! I was triple X rated baby! I still had to walk back down the aisle in front of the whole church. And I was secretly hoping and praying that there were not any big wet spots on the front of my dress. I didn't even look....I didn't want to know. It has been known to happen, I make enough milk to feed a small country! And to think silly old me was worried about supply issues.
Fast forward to the reception, I ran in with my very stylish pump, hoping to run in and suck those babies dry real quick before I had to take pictures. Then I thought....hmmm...just wait a few minutes take the pictures and then pump. 8:45 and I still have not pumped or taken the required bridal party pictures...I was dying people. I was now hosting two very hard watermelons on the front of my chest in this very small bridesmaid dress. So I asked the photographer if we were taking pictures soon...." yes in a second sweetheart." Okay now it is 9pm, still have not pumped or taken a damn picture. So I run to the bridal room, get the pump ready, hook them up to my utters and turn it on....RELIEF at last. And then my sister (also a bridesmaid) knocks on the door to tell me it was time for pictures. SHIT!!!! where are the pumping gods and why are they not working in my favor right now????? I mean I bought the big expensive stylish pump dammit! I unhook my suctions and drip a little milk on the dress that is now fitting a little bit looser on the top and run out to take the pictures. 9:20 the pictures are over and I am now in heaven as I am hooked up to a pumping machine that makes me feel like a heifer and being milked, but hey it is stylish right?