Tonight I had the rare opportunity to rock my Noah man alone for a few minutes. Alone as in, before his sister came barreling out the tub to join the snuggle session. It is rare for several reasons. Now that Meredith and Noah are on the exact same nap schedule I never get time alone with him while she naps anymore. Meredith is also out of school, which means we are all home every day, all day. The rare instance Noah and I are alone he rarely sits still long enough to be rocked, tonight he did though.
So as we were cuddled in the overstuffed rocker that I purchased just for him, that has barely been used thanks to his inability to sit still, and I started singing him lullabies. And like a brick wall it hit me smack in the face. The guilt. He doesn't get enough alone time, he didn't get his 19 months of being the only child. Of being my only priority. He didn't get all of my attention. He didn't get rocked to sleep every night for the first 19 months of his life. Am I a good mother to him? Did I give him enough time at all? Or am I so tired at the end of the day that I read them both a book, say good night and dump them into their beds. '
It made me really sad and I have to admit I felt like a horrible mother. So I started rocking away and singing my all time favorite song to sing to my tikes. A song my mother sang to me an I am sure her mother sang to her. A song I still hear my mother singing to my kids.
Rock a bye
Go to sleep my little Noah
Doo doo dooooo
Doo doo doooo
doo doo dooodoooodo dooo dooo
Yeah I know you can so follow it right....I am not crazy it makes total sense in my head.
Well as I am sitting there singing all of a sudden on the right part Noah chimes in "na na na....dododo"
So yes, I am sure he gets ample of my time, he just gets what she never did....a more experienced mother and a big sister.