Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Dear Time,

What the hell is going on?  I swear it was just last week that I was wrapping up the summer and starting my three year old in 3 year old preschool and my baby in mother's day out.  Last week....not almost 9 months ago.  Where has the school year gone?  And no I'm not complaining that my babies are now going to be home with me 5 full days in the week and weekends too.  I'm absolutely not the one complaining, it's my babies that are complaining.

Meredith is convinced that she is the only one being kept out of school for the summer.  After many days explaining that school is almost over and all the kids will be staying home I have given up...I am now telling her "Yes, I am keeping you home to torture myself while all the other kids go to school just like normal."  She is having a really hard time with this.  I am too....wasn't it just August 2009.  I know in a few years she will be counting down the days, hours and minutes until the summer, but we just aren't there yet.  The end of this school year means I only have one more school year before she trots off to big school all day.  Before she is in kindergarten and gone forever!

Not to mention that in a few short months my baby....yes baby who will be three this year.....three for God's sake....will be starting preschool.   How could you let this happen?  He was just cooing and babbling and learning to walk.  Preschool....three freaking years old.  What are you doing to me?  He's not ready for school.  I'm not ready for him to be in school.  He's my little buddy, my extra appendage.  He's not a very ueseful appendage in the sense of folding clothes faster or washing dishes faster...he's more of an appearance appendage, but still I'm going to feel like it was amputated in a few months when the summer has also come and gone.  And that's going to be really hard on me! 

I know this summer will be filled with lots of fun activities and there will never be a dull moment.  Between bible schools, dance camps, swimming lessons, art camp and many afternoons of baby pools in the driveway with popsicles we will be very busy.  I also know that it will be over before I know it.

So yes, I am complaining right now.....because I'm not ready for summer.  I'm not ready, because that time always goes way too fast.  Because you lay your head down one night in May and you wake up in August and you have no clue where the time went in between the two.  Because all too quickly Target will take all the inflatable stuff for pools down and fill it with pencils and crayons and lunch boxes.  I'm no fool time, I know how this works.

And let's be really honest come summer, it won't just be the two tikes, but three tikes.  And I'm just not ready for that yet.  I thought I had 9 months to prepare....what happened...now I have a little over two....how did this happen time?  I'm not ready for Noah not to the be the baby....I'm not sure I can handle three.  I know what is coming, I thought I was busy before I was only kidding myself.  Because in two and a half very short months I'm gonna have one more tiny mouth to feed and tiny heiny to wipe. And part of me can't wait to meet my new baby girl, but part of me is scared to death.  And is not that I fear I won't love her like I love the other two, I know I will love her as completely as I love my other two.  But I am scared to death.  I mean really, three kids to feed, dress and corral out the door soon.  I'm not sure I can do it.

How about we just stop time for a little while and live life here, not moving forward or back, but enjoying the moment and the cool weather?  Because see time, that's my other thing.  Mother nature is not on my side and in a month or two it's going to be like a 109 degrees with a heat index of 130 degrees and no I'm not exaggerating. I'm pregnant, so come July when the temperature is breaking my thermostat because it doesn't read temps that high, I will be cursing you and mother nature.  So let's just hang out here in April...how does that sound?

one momma scared out of her mind!


Amy said...

We are contemplating #2 by the end of the year, and I share in all your fear and anxiety.

Something happened to me as I got older...I don't adjust as well or as quickly as I used to. Hate leaving comfort zones, but I'll know it'll be back.

At least I hope it will be back!! Hang in there honey, yours will return too;)

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