Very Emotional...

So Monday is the big day! I have surgery.....we have another child.....I am responsible for a little girl and a little boy....Meredith becomes a big sister.....my husband has another person to provide for....we have another child to instill good values and morals in....we have another child to potentially screw up.....but at the same time we have another miracle.

These past 9 months have flown by. I remember finding out for my birthday in April I was pregnant. It was a surprise, well a planned surprise. We did it again the first month we "tried". I just wasn't expecting it, I had what I thought was a period the week before I got a positive home pregnancy test.

It was a Friday night, and Josh was on the phone with his dad (phone calls that last seemingly forever!!!!) I remember him coming home from the hospital and he asked if there was anything I needed him to pick up on the way home. "Ummm sure how about 3 butterfingers!" and he jokingly (well I thought jokingly) said "and a pregnancy test!" Why?... because butterfingers were all I wanted when I was pregnant with Meredith and not just one....but 3 or 4!

So I took the test while he was on the phone and that plus sign came up so fast! I thought no way.....so not possible! I had a period last week for 5 days! Heavy at that and then I thought wow! okay don't get too excited....tell josh.....we will go see the OB....see what he thinks of all the bleeding and pray it is all okay! So I did just that. And everything was fine, but then I started bleeding again. So I went in to see another OB, because mine was out and she told me I was miscarrying. I cried. I cried for this baby I didn't know. I cried for this unborn child who was no older than 6 weeks. I cried on my husband's shoulder and then my mother's shoulder and then I put on a happy face for my baby girl.

After the OB told me I was miscarrying, we did a blood test to confirm it, a test I would repeat two days later to get the final results. I being the impatient person I am, went in the next day and saw my OB. He looked at the same ultrasound and said I wasn't miscarrying. He repeated the blood test and my numbers had more than tripled and he thought maybe it was twins. I was elated, I couldn't wait to have this miracle baby! This baby that had gone through so much in the first 6 weeks of his unborn life!

And now, 9 months later he is almost here. And yet I am sad, anxious, elated, thrilled, blessed and nervous all rolled in to one! I am sad for the child that is my first and only will no longer be my only, I am anxious about how he will get into this world and that he will be okay, I am elated that after 9 months I am finally going to hold him in my arms and kiss his sweet little cheeks, I am thrilled to be having a second miracle and that Meredith will have a little brother, I am blessed to be this lucky & happy in life, and I am nervous about being a mother again!