I think about my mom and what I know about her and all I really know is she is my mom. I know I have heard numerous stories of her growing up, but all the stories I recall are of her being my mom. Know what I mean. So then I started thinking will my children really know me...
Will they know.... that I could spell photosynthesis in 2nd grade or that I won 1st place in the Science Fair for a paper and presentation I did on short people. That I took growth hormone to grow, will they know that. I took them for 4 years in grade school and proudly reached 5ft 2inches and without them was only projected to be 4 ft 3 inches. That I was was so short my dad only filled our 4 foot pool up half way. That my parents took me, my sister and our grandparents on a 2 week cross country road trip to California in a minivan and all I really remember is Alcatrez and China town. Or that I hated my first year of high school and would cry at night, beacause I did not want to go. That even in high school my mom would rock me when I cried.
Will they know.... that I got scholarships to 4 universities for college, but went to the only school that did not offer me one. Or that in college I wrote a paper for a literary magazine and had it published. I also recieved my first F in college and dissapointed my parents. That I lived in 6 different apartments during my 4 years in college. That somewhere in college my sister and I became friends instead of mortal enemies. Will they know that?
Will they know.... that by graduate school I straightened out and quit being so lazy as my college professors would say. That I was once engaged to someone other than their dad, but smart enough to know it would not work out and called off the wedding. Or that I met the man of my dreams while I was in grad school, their father. That one of my favorite haunts was Joe's bar, and that this is where their dad and I started dating. That the night we started talking and exchanged numbers, I hid roses that were sent to me by another guy in the beer cooler. Is this stuff they will know?
Will they know.... their dad surprised me with a trip to Disney World for my birthday while we were dating. And that their dad got down on one knee to propose to me in the rain in the city of New Orleans. That he got my father's permission before he asked me. Or that their dad and I lived together before we were married, but after we were engaged. That I wore a Vera Wang wedding dress at my wedding and never in my life felt more beautiful. That this was the 2nd dress I bought for the same wedding, and that I sold the first on the internet. That their grandmother bought me my veil and that I saved it in case they ever wanted to wear it or have their children wear it.
Will they know.... that the first house we ever bought is the same house I brought both of them home too. That together we decorated both of their rooms especially for them while we awaited their arrival. That at night their dad would read stories to them when they were in my belly and as babies and toddlers. That we have a special good night song that we sing each night. That I never worried so much in my life until I got pregnant for each of them. That I never ate cake until I got pregnant with them.
Will they know.... that being a mother was the hardest, most challenging and most fulfilling job I ever had. That I never dreamed it would be and it totally took me by surprise. Or that each night before I go to bed I pray that they will grow up to be happy and healthy and that they achieve all their dreams. And that secretly I do not want them to ever grow up and not need me.
Will they know all this about me? I hope so.