Monday, November 10, 2008

Channeling my inner Bree Vandercamp Hodge

For a long time I never knew why Mondays totally raveled my edges. I mean I don't have to get up and go to a job, notice I didn't say work because honey I work. Anyway I don't get up and go to a job and leave my babies behind. Hell I don't even have to get dressed or brush my teeth. Well I do if I don't want the other moms at gymnastics to talk about me. Anyway I just couldn't get over why Mondays were so hard compared to other days in the week.

Sure my husband goes back to work, but it was something more than that. Tuesdays have always been great, it is just Mondays that seem so impossible. I always felt like I was drowning, under the laundry, the clutter, the toys, the kitchen.....hell the house in general. I feel like this almost everyday, but Mondays are always worse. Then this morning it hit me. I sat on my bathroom floor sulking about the Monday while being buried under the two tons of laundry that needed to be washed. Then I got motivated to get up and climb my way out and into my bedroom where I tripped over the multiple piles of laundry and unpacked suitcases from Disney. I then headed down the hall towards the kitchen where I stumbled over the toys spilling from the toyroom and walked into the messy kitchen while I looked out over the horizon to the family room strewn with toys and thought no wonder I totally feel like I could lose my freaking mind. And that was it, my day officially started. My baby was upstairs crying for milk, my 2 year old was hollering for breakfast and it was a Monday at 7:30am and I was at my breaking point.

I climbed my stairs that were littered with shoes, bows, toys, clothing and then got upstairs and really I am pretty sure some sort of home wrecking tornado hit. That is the only obvious reason I can see for the mass devastation I saw there. I got the tikes and my day started. The day, that seemed like endless lists of need to get dones that would never get crossed off or completed. We would head back down and start breakfast. I would fix it and then attempt to clean it while feeding the little one who thinks eating is for birds. I would retrieve the pancakes, eggs and fruit that he lovingly threw to Brownie and that Brownie refused to eat for some unknown reason. I guess Brownie likes her table food off the table. I would then start laundry and think about sticking a post it to my forhead with "Remember to switch it over" written in capital letters. I would then usher the children to the playroom while I picked up the family room quickly and ran upstairs to retrieve clean clothing to dress them in, while cursing myself for not doing laundry this weekend. When I got back down, those two incredibly cute tikes would have littered the family room and kitchen with the very same toys I had just put back in the toy room. I would curse myself silently.

I would then dress a princess who would sulk due to my poor wardrobe selections while trying to get an octopus into a wet suit, or what one would refer to as dressing Noah. Once that is done I would begin the tooth and hair brushing and sometimes might manage to do my own as well.

All of this I would do before 9:30. With any luck we are out the door and on our way to an activity on time and everyone is happy. I then return home to the home still looking like it is in shambles. And I think, why are Mondays so effing hard? Well I know.....because I am not Bree Vanderkamp-Hodges.

Yes Mondays suck, because on Sundays I watch Desperate Houswives and think "Oh please let me for one day have my shit together like Bree!" I want to be Bree. I want pretty hair and nice clean clothes. I want my home to be spotless even if it means I am anal retentive. I want to be able to prepare gourmet meals and homemade muffins for neighbors. I want my kids to be well dressed with organic lunches packed away in lunchboxes that were actually cleaned out the night before. I want to be Bree! And yes internets I know she is just a person on tv......and not real......but I know there are some Brees in this world. Oh how I wish I was one of them! Well I wish I at least had a little bit of the Brees in this world in me. Maybe then my Mondays would be a little easier, what do you think?


laurie said...

Remember when I use to wish to be the 7th Heaven Mom & family, and you and Leigh Ann would crack up!!!!

Julia said...

The thought that the Vandecamps have replaced the 7th Heaven family has me hysterically laughing and now I have no idea what I was about to say! I guess I'm just delirious from another crazy Monday.

Olivia said...

HMMMM somehow this whole Monday scenario sounds familiar to me. Don't forget my dear Mandi, Bree had a major drinking problem:)

mandi said...

Oh mom, we are such dreamers!

Julia I agreen the Vandekamps have replaced 7th heaven.....what is the world coming to?

Olivia, hmmmm is the drinking problem worth the clean house and gourmet meals....I'll get back with ya on that!

jennlagdavis said...

if by some small miracle you figure out how it's done - please share the secret - cause I agree, Mondays are the PITS!

Amy said...

Oh, how I long to be Bree Vandecamp! And yes...I think the drinking problem is worth a spotless house and folded, put-away laundry;)

Adalyn's World Views said...

Forget Bree. I want to be Susan. Look like that have a stable daughter no matter how crazy you are. Plus not to mention the cute guys she dates!

Blair said...

My grandmother called it "putting socks on a rooster", so when I get Frannie dressed, that is what I tell her. Really, it is. Putting clothes on that girl is like trying to put socks on a rooster!

And don't worry. You are not alone. I feel the same way about my house!