Wednesday, May 27, 2009

My little boy

Dear Noah,

This month you are 18 months old. In baby terms, that is an accomplishment. These days you are all boy, no mountain is too tall, no danger is too dangerous. If it is possible you will do it and if not you will still try and find a way. I am fairly confident we will be in an ER sometime before you second birthday.

Almost two years ago, I found out that you were going to be a little boy. I have to say I was very excited. Although I told everyone who asked that I didn't care what gender you were, I did. I wanted a little boy. See I was raised with a sister. We knew all things girly. There were no footballs, trucks, mud, or dirt. We did Barbies, babies, school and house. We were girls.

You are very new to me and I am learning quickly. However, please grade me on a curve, because like I said you are my first boy. When you were born I have to admit, I was very scared of your little penis. Not because of the fact that you could squirt that little thing 4 feet in the air and at least 4 feet across the room, even at the tender age of two weeks.

No, I was intimidated by it for other reasons. I had no idea what to do with a little boy. I was very content with your sister because I could do babies, barbies, and all things pink. But now I was entering a very new era for me. I made a promise to you on your birthday in that quiet, dark hospital room as I was nursing you that I would learn all about t-ball, dinosaurs, trucks and sports.

I would be the best baseball, soccer, football mom around. I would learn to do ballet and baseball. Gymnastics and football.. I vowed to let you be a rough and tumble little boy and yet teach you to be respectful and gentle with little girls.

And at 18 months you have been the best teacher. I have learned to perfect my dinosaur growl, I know that I have to pass the 18 wheeler that is always parked in the lot by Target every time we go there. I know to acknowledge the big trucks on the road and practice the rumble they make with you. I know that every plane in the sky deserves some recognition. I have learned that no matter how much I correct you, you are still going to climb on everything you can. I have learned that when you fall you will get right back up and don't always want or need a big production. I know that you get mad or upset when your sister or another child take something away, but get over it just as quickly as you got upset.

I know that you will never be as dramatic as I was growing up, but that you will still have your moments. I know that one day your room will smell like dirty socks. I know there will come a time in your life when you leave home and go to college and will only come back when you need your laundry done. I also know you probably won't call home from college all that much.

I know there will come a time in your life when you love another girl or woman as much as you love me and one day she will become your whole life. I hope that when that time comes, I was a good mother to you and taught you how to take care of her and respect her.

You, Noah, are my little boy and always will be, thanks so much for the lessons so far.

I love you,

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