Dear Time,

What the hell is going on?  I swear it was just last week that I was wrapping up the summer and starting my three year old in 3 year old preschool and my baby in mother's day out.  Last week....not almost 9 months ago.  Where has the school year gone?  And no I'm not complaining that my babies are now going to be home with me 5 full days in the week and weekends too.  I'm absolutely not the one complaining, it's my babies that are complaining.

Meredith is convinced that she is the only one being kept out of school for the summer.  After many days explaining that school is almost over and all the kids will be staying home I have given up...I am now telling her "Yes, I am keeping you home to torture myself while all the other kids go to school just like normal."  She is having a really hard time with this.  I am too....wasn't it just August 2009.  I know in a few years she will be counting down the days, hours and minutes until the summer, but we just aren't there yet.  The end of this school year means I only have one more school year before she trots off to big school all day.  Before she is in kindergarten and gone forever!

Not to mention that in a few short months my baby....yes baby who will be three this year.....three for God's sake....will be starting preschool.   How could you let this happen?  He was just cooing and babbling and learning to walk.  Preschool....three freaking years old.  What are you doing to me?  He's not ready for school.  I'm not ready for him to be in school.  He's my little buddy, my extra appendage.  He's not a very ueseful appendage in the sense of folding clothes faster or washing dishes faster...he's more of an appearance appendage, but still I'm going to feel like it was amputated in a few months when the summer has also come and gone.  And that's going to be really hard on me! 

I know this summer will be filled with lots of fun activities and there will never be a dull moment.  Between bible schools, dance camps, swimming lessons, art camp and many afternoons of baby pools in the driveway with popsicles we will be very busy.  I also know that it will be over before I know it.

So yes, I am complaining right now.....because I'm not ready for summer.  I'm not ready, because that time always goes way too fast.  Because you lay your head down one night in May and you wake up in August and you have no clue where the time went in between the two.  Because all too quickly Target will take all the inflatable stuff for pools down and fill it with pencils and crayons and lunch boxes.  I'm no fool time, I know how this works.

And let's be really honest come summer, it won't just be the two tikes, but three tikes.  And I'm just not ready for that yet.  I thought I had 9 months to prepare....what happened...now I have a little over two....how did this happen time?  I'm not ready for Noah not to the be the baby....I'm not sure I can handle three.  I know what is coming, I thought I was busy before I was only kidding myself.  Because in two and a half very short months I'm gonna have one more tiny mouth to feed and tiny heiny to wipe. And part of me can't wait to meet my new baby girl, but part of me is scared to death.  And is not that I fear I won't love her like I love the other two, I know I will love her as completely as I love my other two.  But I am scared to death.  I mean really, three kids to feed, dress and corral out the door soon.  I'm not sure I can do it.

How about we just stop time for a little while and live life here, not moving forward or back, but enjoying the moment and the cool weather?  Because see time, that's my other thing.  Mother nature is not on my side and in a month or two it's going to be like a 109 degrees with a heat index of 130 degrees and no I'm not exaggerating. I'm pregnant, so come July when the temperature is breaking my thermostat because it doesn't read temps that high, I will be cursing you and mother nature.  So let's just hang out here in April...how does that sound?

sincerely,
one momma scared out of her mind!

what he says....so darn cute!

Today we were outside playing....

Momma, you best my friend!

I sure am doodle!

*****

The other day we were leaving McDonald's and the car next to us was leaking air from it's front tire and almost flat.

Momma what's dat noise?

That's the air coming out of that car's tire....someone's going to be really upset.

Why momma....it bwoke?

Yep baby...it's broke and it's going to be flat and someone is going to be upset.

Momma, where my tools....I fix it!

*****

At my ultrasound appointment yesterday..

Look momma....two babies!  as the tech put up two side by side photos of margot

No doodle, there is only one baby, you are the other baby

No momma....I NOAH!

The makings of a cheerleader party!

I'm all about birthday parties!  I mean it isn't everyday you have a birthday and hell at 31 I still want my party and my cake, so why wouldn't my tikes!  A week ago we celebrated Meredith's 4th birthday on her actual birthday, she wanted a cheerleader party.  And I was happy I could make that happen, with a little help from Carrie!  Thanks Carrie and to the USM cheerleaders!

First is the cheerleader invitation!

Then  the black and gold favor bucket!

With the tags I spent all night working on....that probably went unnoticed

Then you need a cheerleader

With her little football player brother....cheering him on!

You also need some cheerleaders and lots of little girls in cheerleader outfits...

And the opportunity to do a few cheers...

Best friends at a party never hurt either....

With a few cute boys as well....she calls him "my Connor!"

And more best friends...

It doesn't hurt to have trampolines and slides either!

and more trampolines!

You also need cake!

and candles to blow out!

Pizza and Cheetos are pretty good for parties too!

 Little brothers and cousins are really good for parties too!

(In this picture Noah was just telling me that his cousin Connor was his fwin!)

And presents are a must!

And at the end of the day if there is a smile on your 4 year old cheerleaders face, then it must have been a pretty good party!

Happy Birthday Meredith!  I hope you loved your cheerleader party!

Almost 4

Dear Meredith,

Four years ago on this very morning my water broke.  I was 37 weeks pregnant and miserable.  I was swollen from head to foot and 45+lbs more than I weighed when I peed on that stick 8 months prior.  I was so ready for you to make your way into the world, for many reasons.  One I couldn't wait to meet you, but also because I knew if you stayed inside of me any longer I was sure to burst like a water balloon and that would just be gross.

But on this very morning 4 years from today, the morning of April 9, 2006, I woke up at 5:30am and waddled to the bathroom, probably for the 3rd time since midnight, then I waddled back to bed and woke your dad up and told him my water had broke.  He jumped up and then I told him I was only kidding, but asked if he could please switch sides of the bed with me because I couldn't sleep.  An hour later my water really did break on his side of the bed, and this time I had to be very convincing to get your dad to believe me.  I got up and showered and then headed to the hospital where they confirmed that my water had indeed broken. 

You were born 17 and a half grueling hours later.  Yes, 12:03am exactly on April 10, 2006.  I went through 17 and a HALF hours of labor WITHOUT an epidural.  And not by choice....my epidural didn't work and when they came in 5 hours later to administer me another one, that one didn't work either.  Your labor was hard.  I wound up with a c-section because after 17 AND A HALF HOURS I had never made it past FOUR CENTIMETERS.  You can't deliever a baby until you are at 10....I had a long way to go and it just wasn't happening.  And you just weren't cooperating.  Your heartbeat started to drop and that's when Dr. B said it was time to get you out.  Surgery.....a c-section....the words I never wanted or planned on hearing.  To say I was scared would be the understatement of the year.  In fact, I decided to head home instead.  Being miserable and pregnant was not that bad compared to surgery.  Dr. B and your dad didn't think that idea was too bright, so they made me go ahead with the surgery.

Your labor and delivery is not one I will ever forget.  Or you for that matter, I will tell it to you year after year, until I can't remember it anymore due to dementia.  And then I fully expect you to tell it to me again and again.  Because it is the beginning of a beautiful and exciting story.  The story of your life.  And I know as your story continues and takes many different twist and turns, it will be wonderful, because you are wonderful. 
I love you so much my big girl!  And like your momma, you fully believe in the birthday week and I am so glad we get to share our birthday week together.  Happy day before your birthday bug!

Love,
Momma

My big girl in her party clothes for her school birthday party!  Meredith, I asked if Noah and I could come to school today for your party and take some pictures.  You  looked at me like I had grown a third head and said..."Moooooom......no brothers or moms at the party...okay?"

Last night I got home late with your cake, you were already sleeping, but you were super impressed this morning when I showed it to you though.

Your two most favorite colors in the world.....hot pink and hot blue!

He does get it....when he wants

I have a really bad habit as seeing my youngest tike as a baby.  Wait is that a bad habit?  Maybe the bad habit is babying my youngest tike, is that better?  And really what is wrong with that, he is the baby right...now.  And he will always be my baby, no matter how old he is.  I definitely don't think about him ever becoming a man and leaving me to live with his wife and raise his own family.  I literally see him as a non-growing little boy who will forever be my baby.

Which is why sometimes his father tells me he is spoiled rotten.  Yes, Noah he sure does...blame him.  Now Noah does occasionally get away with murder....he goes into the pantry and gets cookies whenever he wants and doesn't get into trouble.  He throws one little fit and I cave.  He isn't always forced to pick up toys or do other things his sister was surely doing at his age, because lots of times I see him as the baby and he is way too young to be corrected.  Right?

I know this is unfair.  I really do...I lived it.  I am the oldest child of two.  I lived with the baby for twenty long years.  I get it!  I know it sucks.  Meredith one day you can blame me and I will pay for the therapy.  But in my defense, it is really hard to not to treat him as the baby.  Especially when he pulls out that momma's boy charm.  I have started realizing most of my wrongdoings and how some of it really needs to be corrected now that he is 2 and a half, and I really am trying to hold him more accountable and myself for that matter.  Trying is the key word. 

However in 14 short weeks his little world will be turned upside down and then inside out.  He will always be my baby, but he will no longer be the baby in the house.  There will be a new set of lungs in town that will top his.  There will be a teeny, tiny, demanding infant, that will come in and force my boy to become a little more independent while she takes up a lot of his mommy's time.  I know this, it happened with Meredith and she was only a baby at a mere 19 months old.  And when I brought Noah home she grew up a lot and became a lot more independent.  I think she started bathing herself, driving herself to mother's day out and probably fixing her own breakfast and lunch...my memory of those crazy days with two tikes literally under two are really hazy.....forgive me, I survived that's what counts.  And on top of all those things Meredith had to start doing independently, she also went through a phase where she threw wipe containers at my two week old's head, tried to flip him out the swing and tried to lay on him whenever he was in the moses basket.  I am fully prepared and waiting for the jealousy.  From both my tikes actually, which is why I continue to baby him. 

With all that in mind though, I wasn't so sure Noah even realized that a new baby will be joining us soon.  Meredith used to point to my belly and say baby and talk about baby Noah and seemed to have some inkling.  She was more than a whole year younger than what Noah is now and she at least appeared to get it a little bit.  Noah on the other hand has not.  He has seemed relatively unfazed by me pointing to my belly and saying baby.  Or by the constant reminding and prompting of "you are going to be the big brother and get a new baby."  He has continuously ignored my attempts to get him to say baby when I would ask him what is in my belly.  He has also seemed unfazed by the fact that my belly has been getting bigger and bigger.  And as much as we refer to the baby in my belly as Margot at home, he has not once uttered her name. 

Then one day a week or two ago, as if to show me he did indeed know, but chose to not acknowledge it, he pointed to my belly and said  "baby Mar-doe".   Or he pointed to the crib going up and said "dat's baby Mar-doe's!"  He totally gets it. Well not totally, but he has an inkling.  He just chooses to ignore it.  Now when I ask him who is in my belly he will tell me "baby mar-doe", but only if he feels like it.  He will also tell you that "cookies and choc-o milk" are in his, if he feels like it.  I mean he has no clue about losing his status as the official baby, but he will and he'll adjust and he will love her just like he loves his big sister.  Just like she learned to love him because he wasn't going anywhere.

Last night though, he really surprised me.  He makes me think he has a better understanding of this baby thing than I give him credit for.  I mean Noah is a really smart little boy.  But last night he pointed to my belly and said "no baby Mar-doe.....baby yight-ning!"  I wasn't sure what he was talking about so I asked him to repeat it and he said "no baby mar-do momma's belly.....baby yight-ning keen momma's belly!"  When I asked if he wanted to name the new baby "Lightening", he happily said "Uh-huh! name mar-doe YIGHT-NING!"

So dear Margot be thankful that we have already chosen your name and are not letting your big brother name you.  I do think you would be teased a whole lot in elementary school with a name like Lighting McQueen.

Thirty-something

It's official, I'm in my thirties.  I'm no longer thirty, but in my thirties.  There is a huge difference and when I woke up this morning to grab one of the tikes out of bed while simultaneously being kicked by the one in my belly and the one who wound up in my bed at 5am, I felt every bit of a year older.  I cannot believe how quickly the time passes.  I mean wasn't I just twenty-five and getting engaged, or twenty six and getting married, or twenty-seven and giving birth to my first child?  How the hell did I wind up thirty-one?  I mean I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a baby on the way.  Somehow I became a grown-up dammit!

Oh well, today was great.  My daughter has been running fever since Friday and has felt like crap.  So as she crawled out of my room, I mean literally crawled, I wished her a good morning.  She told me "don't tell me dat and leave me alone!"  I knew it was going to be a good day.  I forgave her and left her alone because she has run fever of 103+.  My little guy was happily chowing down his oatmeal and from him I got a "dood mornin' momma.....happy durday!"  Now that can make a momma smile.  After 15 minutes, my big girl came around and gave me a big kiss and decided to cheer up.

We had lunch at the fabulous McDonald's and then when Josh got home gathered with family and good friends for a roast beef poboy at my current favorite restaurant. It's my only craving this pregnancy, what can I say!  After that we sang happy birthday and then enjoyed a big slice of cookie cake.  Meredith & Noah gave me a beautiful necklace and some comfy pj pants.  How lucky can one momma get!

Here is my birthday party!

My silly girl!

My sweet momma's boy with cake on his face!

The delicious cake

My two tikes!  I am so blessed!

Easter done the fancy way!

This Easter was a little different than others we have done in the past.  Normally we wake up, head to church or attempt to, last year no one told us they changed the time of mass.  Then we head over to my mom and dad's where she traditionally fixes Easter lunch.  However, this year I decided to host it.  The last time I did was when Meredith was born and we were home from the hospital 2 days.  So I decided the menu would be brunch.  Meredith was a little curious as to what "brunch" was.  I explained it was a fancy word for breakfast food for lunch!  She loved it and so a "fancy breakfast/lunch it was!" 

She wanted to know since we were having a fancy brunch if we could use the fancy china.  Why of course!  I mean what else do you do with it besides sit it in your cabinet after you get married.  So that morning, Meredith woke up with 103 degree fever and in true Easter fashion we again missed mass....the most holiest day of the year.  We got dressed up in fancy clothes anyway and planned for a fancy lunch.  The menu included homemade biscuits, pancakes, eggs, quiche, cheese petite fours, grape salad, bacon and sausage.  Thanks to my husband and mom for making it happen!

Of course the bunny came first.

Meredith woke up at 6:30am, not sure if she was excited about the bunny or it was the very high fever.  Notice it is still dark outside!

Noah got up an hour and a half later, that's my boy!  I think he was a little confused about this bunny thing.  It was actually daylight then!

'

He perked up when he realized there was candy underneath all those markers, crayons and toothbrush!

After we indulged ourselves on sugar we got ready for our fancy lunch or brunch!  Meredith even put on her fancy Easter dress, since we didn't get to wear it at church that morning.  Noah wasn't taking off his jammies!

They were thrilled to be using their fancy silver cups and forks!

We used the china and all the Waterford crystal.  We also used Aunt Jemima bottles and coke cans, because we are so fancy like that!

After our delicious meal we changed into our unfancy clothes and headed out for an Easter egg hunt.  Then we died eggs!  Or in Noah's case we just kept our jammies on.

Noah reminded me of a mad scientist

Once we finished with the eggs, we painted our new tea sets that Nanny got us for Easter. Thank you Nanny!

I promise I'm no Bree Vandercamp Hodge

But I do belong to a garden club here is South Mississippi and on Good Friday we attended the annual Garden Club Easter egg hunt.  The kids had a lot of fun.  All dressed up for the egg hunt!

My kids cooperated so well for pictures that day.  Josh wasn't able to take off so it was just me, my big belly and them!

Noah was actually sitting still for a few minutes, I wasn't sure why.  Then I realized he was eating Easter candy out of his basket from last year.  Mother of the year award is on it's way!

Enjoying Lunch!

Even the bunny came to visit!

Noah didn't want to go anywhere near the bunny, but "I wuv him momma" is all he kept saying.  He wanted to make sure his basket was filled Easter morning.

Noah hunting for eggs!  I have none of Meredith hunting because she was too busy running with her friends.  She is growing up way too fast.  That's why I am keeping Noah as my baby.

Her tattoo she got at the egg hunt.  When we got home I realized she had a fever of 103, you can tell she wasn't feeling well here.