I got a call from a good friend of mine last week. This friend and I go way back, to elementary school and growing up in a city and not a small town, keeping up with friends from elementary school is no easy fete. Anyway she called to thank me for Noah's birth announcement and let me know that the address I sent it to was no longer her address. I asked if they had moved, that was the only logical explanation for that not being her address in my book. She then explained that her and her husband of 6 years, that she had been with for almost 1o years were finalizing their divorce this month. I was shocked....in awe....I never would have dreamed in a million years that this couple would have headed for the big "D".
If asked to line up all of my friends' husbands and pick out 3 that I thought were all around "good guys" he definitely would have been one that I chose as a "good guy." The news was devastating to me. I mean they have 2 children and were seemingly the "perfect couple." Their children are little..... ages 3 and 11 months. How did it just hit him that he was unhappy and not in love? That does not just happen overnight. How did he walk out on his wife that gave him two beautiful daughters? What about his responsibility as a husband and father? I know some marriages are doomed from the beginning and some people really would be better off without one another. But marriage is not easy, it is not about just making yourself happy all the time. And do not get me wrong, I have nothing against divorce, hey if it is not working than get out. If you spend everyday wishing you were somewhere else or bitching about the person you are with or if that person really makes you hate yourself or the person you have become, than by all means do what you need to, to get out. I guess this situation hit me by surprise.
I started thinking, what if MY husband came home and told me he was not happy and wanted out. What would I do? I am sure my friend never thought it would happen to her. I mean I am well educated, I have a master's degree and could definitely provide for myself and my children....but I would be losing my best friend. My husband, my hero. He truly is. He is definitely number 1 of the 3 "good guys" that I would pick out. In fact I hope my daughter marries a man just like her father. He is kind and patient, he has a good head on his shoulders and is a very rational man. I honestly feel bad sometimes because he is a much better person that I am. He tames me, he helps me see the other side of things, he is a great listener, he loves me, there is nothing he would not do for me and I know this. I try not to take advantage of it too much.....but I do own my fair share of designer jeans.
In all seriousness I do not know what I would do, I guess there is nothing I can do. I do ask everyday if he is happy.....and his answer is always the same "more than you know." I ask because I want to know, I want to know that he is always happy. That he loves this life we have as much as I do. I want him to know how thankful I am that he does what he does to provide this life for me and our kids. I cannot imagine how hard it is to work on weekends and tend to other families and other people instead of your own family. But he does, and he does it with a smile.
Sometimes I think how unfair it is to me and our children, that he has to work weekends and some nights. That he has to take calls and rush out to take care of other people and other people's children, leaving his own sick children behind. I think how unfair it is that his daughter cries on the weekends for him or her favorite saying when he is not home is "dada at wurk." And then I think how unfair it is to him. How unfair it is that he did not get to play outside on the slide with Mizit this beautiful Saturday and I did. Or how he misses so many milestones and I get to witness them all firsthand. I think how unfair that after getting up all night with his own children, he then has to get up with his pager too. I think how unfair it is that he does not get to stay home on rainy days and spend them all cuddled up in the bed with us.
Yes, I married one of the good guys. One of the most selfless guys I know. In fact he is not a guy, he is a man. And in today's world it takes a lot to be a man. Thank you honey for all that you do, for all that you sacrifice and give up for us. I love you so much, thank you for being one of the "good guys."