Has it been a week?

Has it really been a week? I just needed a break....know what I mean? I mean sometimes you just have to kick back with a drink and let the world go round while you watch in la-la land. That was me, but in my break here is what happened....

I turned 30
I got a blackberry
I had lithotripsyI got violently ill from coming off pain meds
I got violently ill from tequila
I ate 3 different birthday cakes 3 days in a row
I celebrated a birthday for the first time in 4 years without being pregnant or nursing
I got some awesome birthday gifts
I fell in love with my own house or the prospect of never having to show it again
I took my house off the market
I had dinner with friends
I celebrated my birthday with my 91 year old grandfather
I cried
I laughed
I reminisced....alot....I miss you Rocky....I didn't know that until I was stupid drunk...I think Josh misses you too!
I mopped my floors...this is a BIG deal!
I ran errands
I lost my mind
I found it, but it is still not working correctly
I realized how much I love my children
and my mother
and especially my husband


But the good news is I am back! I am going to blog again, because now that I don't have to keep the house constantly ready for showings I can sit on my ass do other productive things like blog.

So internets did you miss me? did you even notice my absence? Yeah yeah, you could just make me feel good and say hello!

Selling a house just plain sucks

I have to be honest with you internets....it really does suck. I feel like I am living somewhere in a vacuum. I feel like I am frozen in time, afraid to live in my own house or put anymore money, nail holes, paint colors, pictures or anything else into this house, but damn will I ever get to the point where I can do that in a new one.

We have been on this real estate roller coaster a week shy of two months. Not that long given today's economy and real estate market. I knew going into this the average days on the market for homes was 120. I'm right under 40 and I am mentally and physically exhausted.

We fell in love with a neighborhood and then a house and then we did a complete 180 and fell in love with a very different neighborhood and a very different house. Our mantra has been the same...."gosh I hope my house sells so I can get this house...it's my dream house." However we have now missed two "dream" houses, one a real dream. I guess it just wasn't meant to be....because under no circumstances am I taking on two mortgages.....not with all the crazy shit going on in Washington....I mean I am no A.I.G. and I am sure no one will bail me out.

That being said, I'm done. I am ready to throw in the towel. I'm ready to stay here and rip up the tile I hate and make this the home of my dreams. I'm ready to move forward and get out of this glass house. Even if it means never packing up to move. This is the first home Josh and I have ever had to sell. It has taken it's toll, my patience is very limited and my two tikes that refused to nap today have used all of that patience up. I feel like by 10am ever day I can use a drink....and juice boxes ain't cutting it.

So forgive me for not blogging, I am sure all 10 of you are seriously disappointed and losing sleep over this. Trust me I am too....well not the blogging, but the house hunting and selling.

Selling a house, some things I am so not proud of

I'm feeling very honest today, must be all the sunshine I soaked up at the beach today. I'm betting it went right through my hair follicles and bleached my brain, because this post is all about things I have done while my house is on the market that I am embarrassed to admit.

You can all imagine and some of you know that selling a house with two tikes is NOT easy. Not even remotely easy. I have had and average of 3 showings a week, some with a weekends notice and some with an hours notice and everywhere in between. And each and every time I have done my damnedest to make sure the house is spotless. Well except for that time I was doubling over with kidney stone pain and my mom did it for me.

I won't lie when I say that Josh and I are total slobs. We are. We have had a housekeeper since before we were married and have always lived life rather messily. I hate to clean and have an awful habit of not picking up after myself and leaving it to be pick up later. So does Josh. Then add two tiny tikes to the mix who can't pick up after themselves and ladies and gentlemen you have chaos. That is basically how we functioned. When I do clean, I do a fantastic job, you would almost think I was a freak. I mean it is bad, getting out a toothbrush to the clean the grout, but since I only did that about 4 times a year.....really I'm just a slob who gets a little OCD when cleaning.

Our house used to be only clean on Thursday afternoons and only for a little while......until 6 weeks ago. Now it is always "almost ready" for unexpected company and most days freaking meticulous. When I tell you my ass barely hits the couch or computer chair anymore I am not lying. I am also in bed earlier due to exhaustion. I can't sleep, but come 8 or 9pm and I can't function either.

But I have taken a few shortcuts along the way, follow me to the list of shame.....

• Although my laundry hampers are never full and never overflowing I have shoved a bunch of clean, folded clothing into a armoire when I was picking up quickly for a showing.
• I have sprayed Lysol all over the up stairs to cover a wreaking diaper that stunk up the entire 2nd floor 10 minutes before a showing.
• I have put bedding and dirty clothes that didn't have room in the hamper into the trunk of Josh's car to get it out the way. I learned now that laundry is a priority and I do 2-3 loads a day....seriously
• I have made Meredith sleep with us so that I didn't have to make her bed before an early morning showing.
• I have quickly cleaned the floors with diaper wipes instead of mopping
• I have shoved dirty dishes into a just finished cycle of the dishwasher with clean dishes because of lazziness lack of time
• I have shoved a couple of dirty pans into the oven so that I didn't have to wash them quickly.
• I have taught Meredith and Noah how to sweep and hold the dust pan, respectively
• I have buckled my kids into their car seats in the van and let them watch a movie while I picked up inside.
• We have eaten breakfast and lunch out more than I am willing to admit, so that I didn't have to clean the kitchen again before a showing
• I have dozens of dirty cups and bottles in my car that I grabbed to take with me as I was heading out the door and couldn't fit them in the dishwasher didn't have time to wash them
• I have called my husband more than once to come home on his lunch hour to help me
• I have also called and mercifully begged my mother to come and help me
• I have closed the toy room door and told my kids the toy room was closed that day, to spare the effort of having to pick up toys one last time before heading out
• I have shipped Brownie off to live with my sister so that is one less thing I have to deal with
• I have hid all the dog supplies....what dog?

I think that is it, there I said it. For all that know me and keep asking how do you do it....there are some of my secrets. Perhaps I could write a book or get my own HGTV show...."How to stage a house so potential buyers don't think your a total slob." Catchy isn't it?

Living in a glass house

So our house has been on the market for I don't know........
1 week, 4 days and 39 minutes. Yes I have 8 weeks to sell my house so I have 6 weeks and 3 days left....I like numbers. No pressure right?

Anyway for the first week of that 1 week and 4 days, my house was ma-tick-u-lus! Yes meticulous. You could have eaten off the floor if you so chose, which is gross so I doubt you would have. But that week if you wanted to it would have been okay. Any other day that I have lived here I definitely would have suggested otherwise even on Thursday afternoons, when the cleaning girl leaves.

Yes I have been cleaning my ass off and by cleaning I mean baseboards, cabinets, grout, and everything in between. This house has never shined so much. All of that effort and not a single bite. No quick showings, no calls, nothing. So each day my very impatient self started getting more and more discouraged. I knew this was not going to happen in 60 days. And I also knew their house probably wouldn't move either, but still it was discouraging none the less. I get the economic climate right now I do, I was trying to be realistic. It had been a week already....can you tell I have never done this before? Patience.....never my strong suit.

So Sunday reality hit, the economy is in the toilet, the moving isn't going to happen, I will probably go 60 days without a dam showing....my reality. I'm such a positive thinker. So with that I decided to have friends over in my freakishly clean home. Not a party just a handful of friends and 5 kids under the age of 3 who played outside in the wet and muddy yard. Yep, I had thrown in the towel. No one called once while the house was ma-tick-u-lus! So what the hell.

I tell you what the hell was...on Monday at 9am the phone rang....

"Hello Mrs. Pessimist, yes so and so from so and so realty wants to show you home today at 1pm."

WHAT! Ummm no see I gave up on that. I let my family actually live in my house, which means cheerios are strewn all over. I had friends over, friends with kids like mine who just want to be kids, which means the floors are dirty. I didn't do laundry, which means their are piles in the laundry room. So with that I realized I had 1 hour and 30 minutes to get the house clean and get 3 people dressed and out the door for gymnastics and would have no time after to come home and clean. So I did it. I got it presentable I called Josh who ran home at lunch and got what I missed and the house was ready...not meticulous but ready.

That night we got home and once again lived in the house. I cooked dinner and the kids littered the dinner all over the floor. We played, we lived, we messed up the house.

This morning I got up in time to throw on a bra, brush my teeth, make 1 tike very cute and adorable for school and then threw them both in the car to drop off Meredith. I then headed home with every intention of showering and catching up on work, but that just didn't happen. The showering part. So I picked Meredith up in my same funky clothes. Came home and began to tackle lunch and then do more work at nap time. And low and behold the phone rang again. Another showing....seriously. Two in two days? What the hell? Do these people know that last week my house stayed spotless because I forbid anyone who lived here to such much as breathe?

So I did it again. I cleaned the dishes, put away laundry, re-mopped the kitchen floors, picked up the toy room, made beds, wiped down counters and windows and doors. I did everything but get a shower. Right before it was time to show I loaded up two sleeping tikes who woke up very grouchy and headed to mimi's with a bag of clean clothes for me. I took a shower there and then our little family met some friends for dinner.

I wasn't taking a chance on a third day. We were eating out and not dirtying the kitchen just in case. No one was coming back in the house to mess up my hard work again! I am pretty sure that tomorrow their will no showings because I am prepared.

I don't know how people with two tiny tikes do it. How do you constantly live in the glass house? How can you be prepared to have your house ready to show on the drop of a dime? My toddler's greatest joy is to throw his lunch onto the floor. Did I mention that Brownie went to stay with Lily during this selling process? I have no labrahoover anymore!

I'm ready to move out of this glass house and into something a little more private. Selling a home is not for me. I really suck at it!

In hiding?

Internets: Hey Mandi where have you been?

Me: Oh me, no where

Internets: Good we were thinking you possibly had broken all ten of your fingers and couldn't type since you haven't blogged in like forever.....I mean you didn't even take such a long break when you had that second tike!

Me: Yeah, I know. See I've been busy with work, but I already mentioned that and oh I put an offer in on a house and listed mine with a realtor. Yep I did, even in this crazy real estate market, because I just want to torture myself having to go through an "average of 120 days" of getting it ready for showings with two tiny tikes underfoot. Yep, that's why! It has nothing to do with finding my dream house, well Josh and I's dream house. Uh-huh we sure did!

So Internets wish us luck and join me on this wild ride of house selling. Josh and I have never done this. We are real estate virgins(this word will get lots of creepy visitors to the site....please leave!) Anyway we have never sold a house before and only bought once, so we definitely need some luck and sell your house vibes. We have 60 days......it will be a long two months or perhaps a very quick two months it depends on which side of the coin you look at!

Where have I been?

Well in a nutshell I have completely lost my mind. Truly. In case you don't do facebook or heard through the grapevine, Josh and I have decided to move. Not out of our quaint little town in southern Mississippi, but to a different neighborhood. In fact we made an offer, it didn't all pan out, which is fine....however it finally lit the match under our asses to get the ball rolling. Really who can buy or build without selling what they have first? So with that our home is for sale. If you are interested email me. If you know someone interested email me too. If you just want to tell me what a crazy, ridiculous thing this is to do, get in line behind my dad and again email me. No my dad hasn't said this is crazy, but I'm betting he might think it is.

Yes my house is huge and gorgeous and everything I ever dreamed it would be. If I could pick it up and move it into the neighborhood I want it in, life would be perfect. So that is where I've been. I showed my house once this week and it took everything right out of me. I can't imagine doing that for months, so wish us luck and then wish us luck in finding a new house.

I'll be back, we had a busy weekend and I have pics to share.