Happiest of Birthdays

Today I became another year older, another year wiser and thankful for another blessed day.  

33...wow is that middle aged?

Lent, Facebook and other Things

Last year for Lent I decided to give up Facebook.  It lasted three days.  This year I had so much to be thankful for.  So much.  Life, love, family, friends, health.  I could seriously go on for hours.  So very much.  And when I got down to why we give up something for Lent it just really hit me this year.  Not that I have any less to be thankful this year than the others, but I do.  Because each year, each day, each minute is a gift.  A very precious gift.  And so I thought about Lent, I thought about God, giving his only son, to save me.  To save you, to save all of us.  I'm not sure I would be willing to do that. Being a mother has given me a whole new perspective on Easter and Lent.  Would I give my only child or any one of my three to save you or me?  No.  And when I thought about it that way, giving up a coke or chocolate or sweets and trying to improve my figure at the same time, just didn't seem right.  A son for a coke?  No, I felt like it needed to be big, it needed to mean something.  So I gave up...Facebook.

And to be honest, it has not been bad.  I've been more productive.  I've started blogging again.  I spend quality time with the tikes, that I hate to admit used to be spent on facebook.  My laundry hampers are always empty, my clothes are always put away, my dinner is typically cooked by noon.  I re-joined the gym and my husband he says I'm happier.  All this because of Lent and Facebook?  Probably not.  I mean Lent did inspire me to give up Facebook.  But giving it up sparked me to get busier, to think about things, life and to seize the moment.  Get things done.  It's been one of my best Lenten sacrifices yet.

Part of me misses being in the loop.  I have gotten phone calls and text messages asking me what happened.  Why would I give that up?  Asking if and why I defriended them?  Was I crazy?  Did I miss it?  Am I going back?

I will tell you what I miss.  I  miss the local news, the comments on the stories cracked me up.  And I miss the brief updates on the news.  I miss big happenings around town.  I have made friends promise to call and fill me in if it was a very need to know situation.  However is there "need to know" type situations on Facebook?  I miss my family from out of town posts.  I think my family also misses seeing pictures of my kiddos.  I miss being able to send a quick message to someone when I need to.  But that is all I miss.

Instead of Facebook, I fill my days doing house work I would have otherwise avoided or playing with the kids, without my phone in hand surfing Facebook.  I'm more engaged with them.  Noah and I spend more time in the driveway playing baseball than we ever have before.  I also found pinterest.  Which I find just as interesting without all the bullshit that goes along with it.  I also only spend a few seconds of time on it.  Never on my desk top always on my phone, while waiting in car lines or while sitting idle at meetings or whatever.  I have to say, since giving up Facebook, my pinterest skills have skyrocketed.  I probably have the best virtual closest, home and dinners around!

I thought the nights would be the hardest.  That is typically when I would spend way too much time on Facebook.  My husband often has loads of work to do at night and so that is when I would spend lots of time.... Unhealthy amounts...surfing, chatting, shopping.  Whatever.  Now I have read 6 books since Lent started.  Which is way more productive.  And my Words with Friends game has drastically improved.  And that helps me fend off Alzheimer's, seriously a doctor...and not my husband, told me that this weekend.

The other biggest difference I noticed is...I am no longer sitting on the couch with my iPad or my iPhone.  I'm more engaged in life, the here and now.  My kids....they no longer sit around fighting over my iPad or my iPhone.  Instead I find them reading books, playing with toys, and engaged in life.  I guess actions do speak louder than words.

So that my friend is where I've been.  The question I hear the most is will I go back?  Hmmm. I guess I have 33 more days to decide.

Giving Thanks

For God choosing and trusting me to the be the Momma of these three precious babies, I am eternally grateful and thankful.  What a wonderful blessing they are.  I love you guys.

And so it begins...

Tonight my sweet friend Allison brought me a birthday dinner.  She made homemade lasagna, salad, bread and a bottle of pinot grigio.  And as much as I would love to say I put that dinner in the fridge for tomorrow and went out on the town to celebrate, sadly I did not.  With one child home with mono.....yes I said it....MONO....and a DIFFERENT child home covered in large red welts over most of her body due to an allergic reaction to penicillin, we are home bound.

So Allison's dinner was exactly what we needed and it went fabulously with the birthday cake my husband picked up for me.  Meredith and Noah gobbled down some lasagna, that and spaghetti are some of their favorites. Josh and I also enjoyed some with a glass of wine. Margot sat in her chair watching everyone eat as Josh opened up her very expensive organic baby food.....*note the child with allergies.  It took one spoon to the mouth for her to start yelling in protest.  She then knocked the spoon full of organic baby food away and all over the floor, repeatedly.  Josh was feeding her.  Me I wouldn't have let that happen....at least not repeatedly.  After several more failed attempts and an almost overturned bowl of baby food.  Josh cut up some lasagna and placed it on her tray.

She inhaled it.  Then did the sign for more.  So we gave her more and she inhaled that as well.  We asked her to look up and say cheese and her look is exactly what I would be thinking....I'm trying to eat here people.

Margot ate an entire meal of lasagna tonight and no baby food.  Meredith and Noah had stopped eating baby food by 9 months old.  Margot is right on target.  Well a little early.  Again she likes to be first.

Thanks so much Allison for a great birthday meal.  I really appreciate it and love the gesture.  I think I may start giving my friends a night off from cooking for their birthday too! 

Thirty-something

It's official, I'm in my thirties.  I'm no longer thirty, but in my thirties.  There is a huge difference and when I woke up this morning to grab one of the tikes out of bed while simultaneously being kicked by the one in my belly and the one who wound up in my bed at 5am, I felt every bit of a year older.  I cannot believe how quickly the time passes.  I mean wasn't I just twenty-five and getting engaged, or twenty six and getting married, or twenty-seven and giving birth to my first child?  How the hell did I wind up thirty-one?  I mean I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a baby on the way.  Somehow I became a grown-up dammit!

Oh well, today was great.  My daughter has been running fever since Friday and has felt like crap.  So as she crawled out of my room, I mean literally crawled, I wished her a good morning.  She told me "don't tell me dat and leave me alone!"  I knew it was going to be a good day.  I forgave her and left her alone because she has run fever of 103+.  My little guy was happily chowing down his oatmeal and from him I got a "dood mornin' momma.....happy durday!"  Now that can make a momma smile.  After 15 minutes, my big girl came around and gave me a big kiss and decided to cheer up.

We had lunch at the fabulous McDonald's and then when Josh got home gathered with family and good friends for a roast beef poboy at my current favorite restaurant. It's my only craving this pregnancy, what can I say!  After that we sang happy birthday and then enjoyed a big slice of cookie cake.  Meredith & Noah gave me a beautiful necklace and some comfy pj pants.  How lucky can one momma get!

Here is my birthday party!

My silly girl!

My sweet momma's boy with cake on his face!

The delicious cake

My two tikes!  I am so blessed!

To my newest tike

Dear Caboose,

Today I am almost 10 weeks pregnant with you.  Time sure has flown.  No I am kidding.  I found out I was pregnant with you at 3 weeks....who does that?  Your impatient mother that's who.  Yes, I found out exceptionally early and now it seems I have been preggers forever.....okay 7 weeks of throwing up is a really long time, it can seem like a lifetime....trust me!

No, I will never be able to give you the whole speech on how I was in labor for 19 hours with no epidural and so on....nope that one is for your sister.  Your story will be more like for the first 10 weeks of your life as an embryo or fetus (whatever the politically correct term at the moment is) I laid on the floor all day and night, vomiting and wishing for death day after day.  Yes, my child that will be your story when you are 16 and crying how unfair life is and how unfair that you don't have a car or license, or that your brother and sister are away at college with no curfew and your home stuck with me, with a curfew.  I am perfecting that story now in anticipation.  You just wait.

That being sad, this pregnancy thus far has sucked.  I have not going one full day without vomiting or other disgusting ways of expelling bodily waste.  Nothing taste good, my energy level is zilch and honestly I've been perfectly miserable.  However, I'm super excited and can't wait to meet you....I know I really do feel that way, it's just hard right now.

In case you ever wonder what I am craving with you right now at 9 1/2 weeks preggers, here you go.  Pickles, lots of them.  Nachos, with lots of chili and cheese!  Pizza, I don't know if I am craving that or just able to eat it, but I eat that alot.  No sweets or chocolate, although I still eat it.  NO soft drinks.  If I drink coke or another soft drink it comes right back up.  Vitamins or pills of any kind like Tylenol are unbearable and almost immediately follow with gagging and again throwing up.  I do like orange juice, homemade pancakes, frozen french toast sticks and the occasional sausage biscuit from McDonald's sound great, but sometimes after it is front of me, I can't eat that either.  Night after night I cook and don't eat.  Okay I lie, once or twice a week lately I cook and don't eat.  Your dad then runs and gets me something I try to eat and most of the time throw right back up.  I just can't eat what I cook, the smells really gets to me, but I sit and pretend for your brother and sister.  The other nights, your dad will pick up something and bring it home.  I am way to exhausted and sick to go sit anywhere...the thought just makes me ill.  However deciding what he will bring home in this little town with limited choices is awful.  We play the "what can I eat" game and no matter what it is, it still isn't tempting or good.  I keep trying sushi which is touch and go, sometimes I keep it down and others I vow never to eat it again.  See how it's been.

Yesterday I went to the doctor and we got another ultrasound.  At my 7 week ultrasound there was you and your little heartbeat of 151 and two very large polyps.  Scared the crap out of me.  I read online that they could increase the chance of a miscarriage and cause pain.  The pain wasn't my worry, you can guess what was.  At 9 weeks I went back and had another ultrasound to see what was happening with the polyps and got to see you again.  You looked great.  A nice, strong, super fast heartbeat of 187 (higher than your brother and sisters ever was)  and you were moving all over.  We could see your tiny arms and legs flailing all over the place.  It was weird.  Thank goodness the ultrasound tech pointed out your head and feet, because at first I had them upside down.  There was also one very large hematoma, Dr. B said it was a hematoma and not a polyp and it would either go away on it's own and it was nothing to worry about.  Your dad has hung your ultrasound pictures on his office door right next to all your brother and sisters pictures, he is very proud and super excited too!

I am going to go on record here and saying that I think you are a girl.  I thought you were a boy at first, but now I am definitely thinking girl. Which means you are probably a boy, I was wrong with your sister and brother.  Your dad also thinks you are a girl, along with most everyone else.  Your sister prays nightly for a sister and has named you Margot.  It's cute isnt' it, but don't be silly she didn't really name you.  I liked it alot and asked her if she did and that was it she loved it and if you are a girl you will be Margot.  Even if I name you something else I think she will always call you Margot.  In fact, if you are a boy, Meredith will probably still call you Margot and she will probably want to dress you in pink too.  She really wants a sister, however I think Noah would love a little brother.  Right now he doesn't really get it or care, he calls himself "baby."  You are totally going to rock his little world.  He may take some getting used to you.  Don't worry he will, Meredith adjusted just fine to him after many months!

Well my caboose, I just wanted to fill you in on my first trimester, I am hoping it gets easier and more fun soon.  Your brother and sister are besides themselves that I am so sick.  Meredith wants to know "momma why Margot always is pushing it out?" and little Noah always says "you otay momma, you otay?" We are very much looking forward to July and meeting you, my little #3!

Love,
momma

When you are a mother, sometimes you eat your words

One of the few things I have learned about motherhood is to never say never when it comes to your children. If you do....you WILL inevitably eat your words. I don't make statements like... "my children will never....", "I will never do ..... for my children", or any other sentence with the words children and never anymore. Yes I have eaten my words....probably more than once, but last night I ate them big time!

When I was pregnant with Meredith we didn't think we were going to find out the sex so I did a really generic nursery (yellows and greens). I know not very creative or chic like this one, but cute. I also did that nursery on a budget, a resident's budget if you will. My mom bought the crib, the changing table was $25 from a baby store that was on clearance and the dresser was a built in so all Josh and I did was buy the bedding, the rug and the chair. I know, we did spend some money, but no where near what I did with Noah's nursery and Meredith's big girl room.

When my baby turned 17 months she moved into her big girl bed. She has always loved it, never gotten out of it, still doesn't get out of it and I would say transitioned beautifully from day one. So when we bought her "big girl" furniture I went all out and went all out for her bedding too. I had custom bedding, drapes, a shower curtain and window seat made. I spent a small fortune....now I realize this was not the wisest thing to do. However I chose a pattern that wasn't too babyish and could grow with her. That way I wouldn't have to change it again until she was like 10. I am laughing at myself as I type this.

Yes I even did the bathroom to match....a glutton for punishment.

When we discussed the possibility of moving I told Meredith if we moved she could have a pink room. Did I mention my child loves pink? Well she didn't quite get that we aren't moving and so the room stays purple idea. All she heard was PINK ROOM GET! So I told her for her birthday I would make her room pink and make it a princess room. This really made her happy. She has been talking about it for weeks. "Mommy I'm getting a pink princess room?"

Like all 3 year olds she has been brainwashed by Disney and now lives, breathes and eats all things pink, princesses and sparkly. It really is overkill. I extremely dislike Disney. UGH. So when I said Meredith could have a pink princess room I was thinking of this....of course the walls would be pink instead of green, but you get the idea.....

Because no way was my child getting a cartoonish type of bed spread with Disney princesses. I hate those. Don't get me wrong they work fine if you like them, but me.... I have a strange aversion to them and that is where eating my words came in. When I was picking out the fabric for her big girl bedding and she was too little to have an opinion I said...."My child will NEVER have a Disney princess bed spread." Yep, that is what I pretty much said, and for Noah you can insert....batman....spiderman....cars...etc. I don't mind the cute things with cars/trucks on them or fairies/crowns, but the cartoonish ones with the actual characters just make me want to break out in hives.

So yesterday I took my two tikes to Target to get a $16 dry erase calendar. I decided to browse the kids bedding to see if they sold canopies to put in the princess room I dreamed of. We started off by the bathroom stuff and ran into the princess shower curtain, towels, rugs, toothbrush holder and all the other over priced crap. My daughter went nuts.

"OH MY GOSH MOMMA.....LOOK AT DA PRINCESSES! It's for my room?!?!?"

And with that she started shoving it in the basket. So I obliged. I hadn't originally planned on redoing her custom bathroom, but what the hell. I had sold a lot of stationery this month and it was for her birthday.

Then we headed to the bedding aisle to see about the canopy and she saw this.....

Holy mother of God, she had just hit the princess jackpot. I have never seen a 2 year old so happy. Her whole little body lit up and started shaking with excitement and that was it. She was on a princess high that even I couldn't bring down when I refused to let her put it in the basket. She grabbed the twin comforter and cradled it to her body while shrieking in delight and started heading to the check out line. I priced it $32.99. Much cheaper than the pottery barn one I had my heart set on, but this was the one she loved. I thought about letting her getting for .02 seconds and then I told her no. I grabbed the matching sheet set off the shelf and told her she could get that instead. She didn't get discouraged or upset, she simply told me....."No momma, I get dis one for my pink room and my pink bed. I get dis one. I LOVE dis one."

I knew I was now competing with the damn princesses. Damn Aurora in all her pink glory....go ahead and brainwash my kid into thinking she needs all this pink stuff.....her room is a beautiful shade of purple....Why hasn't Disney made a purple princess yet?

So I told her..."Meredith we aren't getting that, it is ugly. Momma picked out a different princess one for you. We will get the sheets and paint your room pink and get the stuff for your bathroom, but we are putting that back." Her heart literally broke right there on the aisle in Target. And I thought to myself, let the girl get what she wants this is her room not yours. And so I did. I ate my words. My daughter has a princess bed. And I am okay with it. Although I am still in love with this one from pottery barn.

When we got home from school today her room was all finished. The first thing she did was run up the stairs to see it. She was in awe. It was the most beautiful things she had truly ever laid eyes on in her mind. She looked at me and said...."See momma, it's not ugly....it's beautiful!"

I have learned not to call anything she loves ugly ever again. And now her room and bathroom look like this. In two weeks, I will paint he damn room pink and I will lay in bed every night wanting to order that damn pottery barn bedding, but I won't. This is her dream room, not mine.

It's part of the job

So there is a situation of sorts going on here in our town that has made my insides churn and literally made me sick. It has brought so much emotion forth in me and made me want to put my tikes in bubbles and never let them see the light of day so they will never be hurt. I realize that this solution is not realistic nor is it what I really want. I want them to grow up free of dangers, illnesses, predators and anything scary. That is also not realistic, so I am going to just do the best job I can and pray for the best outcome.

I think my number one job as a parent is to love my children, to be there for them, to be honest with them and to keep an open line of communication at all times. No matter what choices they make or the roads they take, I will always love them and be there for them, that is my number one responsiblity. I also have to instill moral values in them, good values, values I was taught and raised with. I need to teach them to value life, all life. Their own, their neighbors, their families. I want to teach them right and wrong. That sometimes doing the right thing is the hard thing and the wrong thing is much easier, but that the right thing is the one that counts and they will be rewarded for one day. I want to teach them to dream, but at some point you have to start trying to achieve those dreams. Dreams are great, but they wont' pay the bills or buy you a new car. A person who only dreams and never goes after it, is just as bad as someone who settles and never dreams.

I want to teach them that every action has a consequence or a reaction. That these consequences and reactions are not always good, but necessary. I want to teach them that they will not always make the good choice or decision, but the most important thing is to learn from this bad choice and move forward with a lesson learned. I want them to know the world is a dangerous place, full of dangerous people. That the dangerous people don't always seem dangerous. I want them to listen to that little voice in their head, it is often correct.

I want to teach them to respect themselves first and foremost because if they don't do that, no one else will respect them either. I want them to respect their elders and their peers, even when they may not deserve their respect. I want them to be happy, to smile, to enjoy the little things in life. I want them to live life to the fullest and not waste one minute of this precious time here.

I want to cuddle them and protect them, but since one day they will be on their own and independent I want to give them the tools and knowledge to protect themselves. Even at the tender ages of 1 and 2, I'm going to start doing that. It is never to early to do that and you should to.

Yesterday....Today....Tomorrow

Last night my mom took both of my tikes home with her. I have to say I missed them dearly. I worried about my Noah, he feels like complete crap, I know....I feel the same way. I worried he wouldn't sleep and would miss me. I worried that I was being a terrible mother for not caring for him when he was ill. However I was ill as well. Very ill, in fact I can't remember feeling this bad before. My congestion is so bad even with all those meds, that at times I truly feel like my head may explode. Can you imagine how my poor Noah must feel? I know....heart braking.


However they went home with Mimi and I knew that Mimi would hold him all night if needed and snuggle him and take care of him like her own. Yes, that I was not worried about. So he and Meredith went and they had dinner and spent the night. I laid in bed feeling like death all night. I tossed and turned and thought about how miserable I felt and how I couldn't breathe and how I envied everyone I knew who was feeling well. I did, sorry.


This morning I woke up after about 6 hours of consecutive sleep. Maybe it was 5, but it was the most sleep I have had consecutively in over a week. So I woke up and it was weird.....I didn't have to get two kids up, I didn't have to make breakfast or feed anyone. I only had my own nose to wipe. The only thing I really have to do right now is put this computer down, get up take a shower, brush my teeth and perhaps get dressed. And really I don't even have to do that. Well I do have to before 10am when the kids get home if I want to do it uninterrupted.


And as I sit here here typing this I honestly can't remember what it was like to only have to take care of myself in the mornings. I haven't even been a mother for a full 3 years yet, but at the same time I can't remember what my life was like before they arrived. I feel like I have known and loved these tikes my whole life.


This morning I realized that life changes. Quickly. Tomorrow will never be like today. And even though we may look back on days with fondness, I hope we can look to tomorrow with hope. I believe that the President will lead this nation with his children in mind, with my children in mind, with your children in mind. I hope that he makes this world better for them, that is all I want President Obama. Let's make it happen.

I'm no Martha either

Sewing.....(insert big sigh)!

I wish I could sew, it is the one of the many skills I don't have, but wish I did. At night I dream of how whipping up some curtains or a cute little dress for Meredith or a little Jon-Jon for Noah. Seriously in my dreams it is so easy and I am a fabulous seamstress.

Well a few months ago I sat at Meredith's preschool orientation and listened to the various programs and parties they would hold this year. In November was the Thanksgiving feast and the children were to come dressed as Pilgrims or Indians. So cute right? The only catch the costumes had to be made not store bought. Now I know full well that the teachers did not expect me to go home and pull out my sewing machine and whip up an adorable costume. What they meant was don't spend money, take the time to make it with you child. I mean we could only jump on the world wide web and have one sent to our door in days. But the point was make it out of a paper bag, pillowcase or get really creative and sew one up.

My plan was to learn to sew and whip one right out. I then emailed me friend, Julia, who in my eyes is Martha freaking Stewart. Look at this dress she whipped up over night. And it is reversible and can be worn like this too. Oh yes my friends, if you ask her she will deny being very good at sewing too!

Anyway I emailed her about my plan. I was going to go to hobby lobby, buy some fabric, cut a neck hole and then throw it over her neck and ties a belt and call her an Indian. Sounded easy. Then I remembered how two years ago I got a wild hair up my ass and ran off to Target and got a sewing machine. Yep, I even once upon a time sewed a really quick blanket. So I thought I can totally rock this, I can whip it up and get it done. Who needs sewing lessons, or a pattern?

I emailed my friend back and told her my new plan. I just needed to see if she could come and help me get the machine gone. See that was where I got stuck. I needed someone to help me just thread the darn thing, I was pretty confident I could do the rest in my head, no pattern, no plan, no clue. A self proclaimed seamstress.

I ran to get my fabric and the lady asked what I was making. I told her about the Thanksgiving feast at the preschool and how I had to make the costume. She asked how long I had been sewing and it was so nice to see young girls who knew how to sew and on and on. I then let her in on my little plan. I didn't know how to sew. I was going to just whip one up with no pattern or anything. Cut a hole, sew up the edges, tie a belt and voila! She had a look of sheer horror on her face. In fact she didn't sell me too much fabric because it was like $7 a yard and she was pretty sure I only needed 1 yard to do what I had just described. I tried to by more, I knew I would need at least 2 for practice. She only sold me one and wished me good luck!

I then emailed Julia and told her of my plan and the run in with the lady at the Hobby Lobby. Julia wasn't so sure this plan would work either, she informed me I did indeed need a pattern and offered her assistance. I was stoked. The Indian dress was coming together.

So today was the first lesson. Yesterday Julia showed me how to cut out the fabric with a pattern. Very easy....I had that covered.

Then today we started. She got my machine all ready and off we went. Two hours lady the dress was done, well except for the button holes, the machine really is possessed, even Julia couldn't get the damn thing to do it right. So she took my little Indian dress home to put some button holes on it. I have to admit though, Julia did most of the sewing and me most of the observing. I asked lots of questions, but failed to take notes. I should have though trust me.

I was stoked, I called my husband to tell him, I did it I made Meredith's dress. He was so excited and said he couldn't wait to see what else I would be making. Me either. After my first lesson I had it down pat!

After I fed the kids lunch and played outside a bit, I put them down for naps and couldn't wait to sew some more. So I took the extra fabric I had. Oh I forgot to mention after cutting out all the fabric with Julia I did indeed need some more. Only a little more, but this time the nice lady insisted I needed a whole yard, because a half wasn't going to make it. So I bought it, she didn't remember me and this time I just pretended to have the whole sewing thing down.

So there I was sitting on my threaded machine that was waiting to go. What was I to make? And a genius idea popped in my brain.....Indian pants for Noah! He could wear his on Thanksgiving with Meredith! How cute would that be. So I got started. I laid out a pair of Noah's pants just like Julia showed me and I started cutting away. I didn't have a pattern, this would do right. Wrong.....I am so clueless. After 20 minutes I gave up. The damn machine wouldn't work, I couldn't remember the steps, it kept getting stuck and the pants were gettings smaller and smaller, pretty soon they wouldn't even fit barbie. I threw the fabric to the side and thought I totally suck. I was about to give up when I lost my mind and decided to give it another go. Only problem, I didn't have a enough fabric to cut some more pants so this time, I just decided to make a purse. A cute little indian purse that Meredith could bring to the Thanksgiving feast. Oh Meredith I really do try so hard!

I got it all cut, then I started. I know another pattern, this one completely from my head. After 5 minutes I had the needle stuck in the machine. I got it out, re-threaded it and began again. I forgot so much of what I learned earlier that my machine is now toast. The needle is stuck, the fabric is stuck in the machine, the damn thing won't go up or down even with my prying, begging and screaming. I get it......I'm no Martha, I'm no seamstress....and I'm no Bree Vanderkamp! I'm just me! Hey Julia....I think I need a few more lessons.....and I might need help getting the machine right again.

I'm not an overachiever I just try to be

What are these you may ask.......why they are cheese muffins. Why did I make so many and put them in a cute Tupperware.....because it is Meredith's turn to bring the snack tomorrow.

She also gets to be the line leader, bring a book to share at snack time, and be the teacher's helper tomorrow. I'm so giddy I could scream with glee. Because tomorrow is also my first day of bringing the snack. I can't wait. I made these muffins from scratch, just like Bree would. I am trying so hard, I have to make up for the fact that I forgot to send her money for the weekly reader last week and she didn't get one. So yes, they are from scratch and were super easy.

However I made several dozen of them, because I am truly trying to be the over-achiever....and I did forget the money. Notice I only needed to make a snack for 8 children...see below. I probably could feed the whole 2 year old preschool program with the amount of muffins I made. Do you think this will make up for forgetting the weekly reader money? Tell me it will.
See how easy, just throw some ingredients ina bowl. All that cheesy goodness and mix it up real good and then.... throw it in the oven!

I made 48 muffins, not sure why. I really don't think 8 kids can or should eat 48 muffins, so I snacked on a few. Sent 24 for the kids and put 12 in a bag for Mrs. Jenny to bring home. I am pretty sure by tomorrow she will have forgotten all about how Meredith's mom did not send the weekly reader money last week. Oh yeah I got this one in the bag.

Meredith I did go all out for this first snack duty of ours. I am trying to be the bestest mom possible. Please forgive me when I screw up, I will, but remember I am always trying my best. Love you kiddo!

This wasn't in the job description

When I decided to become a mother I knew it would be work, I just had no idea of what kind of work motherhood entailed. None. Seriously most days I am surprised at the things I do, things I said I'd never do, things I still don't want to do, and things I never imagined my former self doing and not getting completely grossed out and vomiting. Yes, welcome to motherhood and here is the detailed job description.

In my old life, finding out I had to do 4 evaluations and reports by last week was a bad day. Today having a blow out in Chick fil a and not having a spare diaper or an extra set of clothes is a bad day. There are still bad days and good days, hard days and easy days, carefree days and really stressful days, they are just very different.

Today was a bad day, a stressful day and a hard day. Meredith is currently potty training and doing fantastically well. She has learned to hold it, she has learned that she will get an urge to go potty, and she knows where it needs to go. Only thing is she really doesn't like to go lately. She can be so stubborn when she wants and has learned to hold it forever. When we first started she learned to hold it for two days and that she made her a little constipated, so when she couldn't hold it anymore it hurt. Which quickly led to the assumption that using the potty hurts, I could see how this would make total sense to a two year old.

Well now we are on a roll, Meredith has been holding it for 4 days. She had no idea how painful that will make her and it is my job to make sure she doesn't hold it for 4 days. Ummm what? I clearly remember reading lots of parenting books, making sure your child didn't go 4 days in a row without a bowel movement was not in any one of them. Today I called the pediatrician's office to see what I should give her. What I was supposed to do? Explain that this situation is not in my parenting manual and..... when I told the nurse how many days it had been I could hear the alarm in her voice.

How was I supposed to know? She wasn't walking around crying or complaining, she didn't seem to be really upset and uncomfortable until last night and first thing I did this morning was call you!

I DIDN'T READ ABOUT THIS IN "What do expect when expecting" LADY!!!

So we went to see the pediatrician and he and I had a little chat. I got a little more information about my job description. I am learning that things are just added to that little list of responsibilities daily, whether I want them or not, whether I like them or not, and whether I think I can handle them or not. I made a mental note, hopefully if and when the need arises I will remember his advice.

No dealing with constipation, inserting suppositories, monitoring bowel movements were not in what I thought was the job description. I am learning that the job description of a mother is one that is constantly evolving. One that keeps you on your toes. One that makes you so tired, so frustrated, so happy, so angry, so joyful, so excited and SO overwhelmed all at the same time.

So tell me what part of motherhood did you not know was in the job description?

I am so the country club type...

We don't belong to the country club, mainly because there isn't one in our neighborhood. But if we had one in our neighborhood or we lived in this other neighborhood we would so be members. I never thought I was the country club type, I have no idea why I didn't think so, but let me tell ya.....I am SO the country club type. Now I just need to convince my husband.

Today we went to the country club as guests. I had a blast, the kids loved it too, Noah was in hog heaven....must have been that country club water. And Meredith loved being in a pool where she could reach. The water was warm, the weather wasn't gonna die hot and the company was great. Ahh the life of the stay at home country clubbing mom. I did feel like an illegal immigrant that didn't really belong, but I'm hoping that other people couldn't notice that right off the bat. I tried to play it cool, like I was one of them, hopefully it worked.

There was a huge pool with a beach walk in, water shoot-up things for the kids to play, a cute little cabana that serves lunch and just puts it on your tab! What is not to love about the country club? One day..... one day I will be a country club member.....a girl can dream right?

Just when I needed it

This week has been tough. Noah started running fever Monday and on Monday afternoon we found out he had another ear infection. This one has made him very cranky and restless. In fact he hasn't slept a whole lot at all. No good naps and at night he is up crying literally all night long. Meredith knows her bubby is sick.

"Nowee no feel dood!"

"Nowee ear hurt"

She says those two things over and over. And I guess since he is feeling bad and she sees how tired I am she has been on really good behavior. No tantrums, no episodes of absolute crankiness or chaos. Having my sweet Meredith back has been really nice.

So last night as Josh was trying to get Noah to sleep, I was laying with Meredith. We were laying in her bed in the dark giggling and talking like girls do at slumber parties. Talking about Woody and Jesse and life and politics and then she picked her head up and rubbed my head very gently and said....

"Mommy, I proud of you!"

I know it is something she has probably heard me say to her before, but at that moment I needed it. I had no idea what being a mother was all about. I had no clue how hard it was or how much out of me it would take. But knowing that Meredith was proud of me or that I was often proud of her just let me know that I can do this after all.....well I will just keep trying my best and trying to make her and Noah proud.

The Yellow Pudding

Oh the yellow pudding...I am sure our neighbors are all sitting home tonight saying "Why don't they just give that child a yellow pudding!"

Tonight during our nightly jaunt around the block, Meredith declared that she wanted "yellow poods" (the word poods rhymes with hoods).

She did not ask, she did not say "May I...", she just declared in her very declaring voice that she wanted "yellow poods!"......"I wan yellow poods MAMA!"

So I said Meredith you are being sassy....how do we ask? And to that I got a screaming reply of "YELLOW POODS!" Yes ladies and gentlemen, I was pretty sure tonight that we had created a monster. So I told her no pudding until she asked nicely. Mind you we are walking around the block at the time. Well Josh and I are walking, her and Noah are in their new ride.

So she then says nicely...."Mama yellow poods peeze!"

"Oh Meredith good job asking please! You can have a yellow pudding when we get home!"

We had just started our walk and believe it or not I don't carry yellow pudding around with me. We still had the whole circle which is about 1/2 mile to go. The "you can have one when we get home" answer was not what my 2 year old wanted to hear and with that answer she unleashed an ugly beast. For the rest of the 1/2 mile trek she screamed "yellow pood!" at the top of her little lungs....which are very impressive.

She then started to kick and she scream and carried on in a way that I just wanted to climb under a rock and hide. Luckily she was belted in or we could have had some major head injuries from the thrashing she would have done on the pavement. Yes....it was that bad my friends..... Meredith's little world as she knew it was crashing down. How dare her parents now produce the yellow pudding on demand.

And this went on until we reached our driveway....at which point I asked Josh if he wanted to go again. And we did. Another 1/2 mile lap. My little terror continued to carry on with her beastly behavior on the 2nd lap as well. Poor Noah, he didn't know what the hell was going on. He just relaxed on his side the Cadillac laid back listening to the three headed monster next to him.

I am proud to say that I stood my ground, when we got home. I didn't fetch the yellow pudding. Instead I carried her little crying butt all the way upstairs and threw her on her bed where I proceeded to undress her and then Noah for their baths. At that point the frown was turned upside down as she sang the "naked baby" song and danced with Noah on the bed.

Yellow pudding....what yellow pudding!

To be 2 again.....

The innocence of a two year old is amazing. Tonight as I perused the book store with my two tikes in tow....I yearned to be two years old again. To have the freedom from worrying what other people think....the innocence to not care....the spirit to laugh and giggle to my hearts content. Yes, tonight I wanted to be two.

When we got to the children's section of books, Meredith immediately ran up to a bin of horse heads on a stick. You know the old school horses. She began to pet one of the five horses and looked back and me and said....

"ook, ook momma......bulls-Eye"

Yes, to her I have no doubt that he was the actual Bullseye from the movie. Her face lit up when she saw him and then she began to share her secrets with this stick of horse. After looking at me to see my reaction she began to pull a horse from the bin. When I did not say anything, she straddled the stick and began to gallop around the bookstore on her "bulls-Eye". She galloped like no one was watching....only they were and it did not phase her. She galloped at full stride and then she yelled at the top of her little lungs....."GIDDY UP COWBOY!"

I loved watching her and I wish that my two year old self would have pulled out another horse and galloped beside her yelling "He Haw Cowboy!" But I didn't because I am not a two year old and my adult self was too worried about all the other adults in the store. I am going to work on that. I am sure that all the other adults in the store were thinking back to their two year old selves as well.

Sometimes in life we should all relax and learn to gallop and trot like no one is watching.

Thank you Mom

Thank you Mom for what you do for me everyday. I am sure you could think of 1 million better things to do today besides going through Meredith and Noah's closets and helping me sort and pack away clothing.....I sure could have. Thank you for always watching my tikes and for coming here to watch them knowing I would never get where I needed to be on time if you did not. Thank you for helping us to get through our busy days and being there when we need you. Thank you for loving my children as much as I do and for always looking out for the best for them. Thank you for being you.

Thank you for being the kind of Mom I can look up to, the kind of mom I can bring my problems to, the kind of mom that always said I love you.

I know raising me was not always an easy task, but one you did like it was the best job in the world. I know that when we were growing up although you loved me and I loved you, there were days we did not like one another very much, but we survived, thanks for teaching me how to survive. Thanks for always making sure that I had more than I needed, because I know there were days that you did with out to do that.

Thank you being a wonderful supportive and loving mother..... and thank you for teaching me how to be one too. I love you!

No one said this job was easy...

Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had. I am making decisions that are shaping someone else's life. I am helping to mold these little people to hopefully become responsible adults. I am trying to instill good values and morals without coming off as a nag. I am making decisions that other people do not agree with and are happy to make known. Does that make the job easier....no, it just makes an already tough job that much tougher.

Yes it is the job I signed up for. It just never occured to me the impact it would have on my own life. How much I would change to better myself for these little people that now fill up my life. How my eating habits, sleeping habits and laziness would change to be a better role model. How drastically my vocabulary would change. How I would have to take stands to do what I think is right for my own children, even if it goes against others wishes.

I am doing the best I can with what I have. I am trying my hardest to be the responsible person who holds them accountable, but still lets them slide. To make them realize wrong from right, and that slipping up is okay when you know that you can get back on the wagon. To make them realize that life is hard and it is unfair, but everyone now and then it is easy too. To never give in, but then splurge occasionally.

I am using some of the things my parents taught me and vowing to also never do some of the things my parents did too. I am taking some of my traditions from my own childhood and making up some of my own. I am trying to be me, it is hard to help them grow up, when I still have so much growing up to do myself.

No being a parent is not easy, but it is the best job in the world.