Monday, May 9, 2011

Around here somewhere

When Margot was first born things were hectic.  Doctor appointments, doctor appointments and more doctor appointments.  I felt like I was always running, trying to catch up.....not even dreaming of keeping up.  Almost 10 months later, things are still crazy.  I'm convinced this is it.  Life will not slow down.  There are no more mornings of sleeping in and hanging in our jammies all day.  Now there is school and car pools.  Ballet lessons and appointments.  I'm always running.  ALWAYS.

So more often than not, my house is a wreck.  There is always a load of laundry to be done, dishes to be washed, clothes to be folded and put away, dinner to be cooked and cleaned, toys to be put away, beds to be made, butts to be wiped and tiny hand prints to be wiped away.  I've tried to keep it clean, I've tried to keep it presentable.  I've tried and wished and hoped to channel my inner Type A self, but it just isn't happening.  Hell at this point I'd settle for just being able to find a place to sit on the couch and possibly find my car keys without having to curse repetitively to myself.

Before kids I was the type that did baseboards when company was coming over.  Now I settle for at least straightening up the areas the company will see.  So it utterly shocked me when I had someone coming to the house that I barely knew for the first time and did nothing.  Someone who I barely knew and normally would require having a spotless house to let walk through the door.  However it was a day Josh was on call, my son was miserable from a tonsillectomy and hadn't slept in day, I was working on zero sleep,  and my very last nerve was dangling from a thin string.  I was barely keeping it all together.

In fact I had totally forgotten the appointment and that someone was even supposed to come by.  So when I got a text that day that she was 5 minutes away, I quickly surveyed the house wreckage and deemed the mess impossible to be cleaned in 5 minutes.  I targeted one area of the disaster.  The kitchen.  In four minutes I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, I cleaned off the counter tops and table and quickly wiped them down.  I gathered all the toys my two arms could hold and threw them into the toy room.  With a minute to spare I walked into the living room to survey the rest of the house.  I cried.  Why had I picked the kitchen???....................why the HELL did I not do a damn thing about the living room.  Where the hell was my brain????  So with 30 seconds to spare, I gathered up the toys in the living room and foyer and pitched them into the toy room, I grabbed blankets and pajamas that were strewn all over and threw them into the laundry room and then I saw her car pulling up.  There was still a mountain of laundry on the coffee table and loads of unfolded laundry on the couches.  I hauled all of the laundry onto one couch and grabbed the unsightly Cars sleeping bag that was heaped up in the middle of the floor and threw it on top of all the clothes to hide them.  Because that was all I had left in me and surely that shit would work...right?  I mean really would you even notice this.....

Would you think less of me?  Or that I was at least a little off?  Would you think....damn this woman has stooped to an all new low and has lost it?

Exactly!  I can't even see that large unsightly, red sleeping bag....sleeping bag?  What sleeping bag?  I mean as long as I think that, then it works right?  My visitor briefly let her eyes flutter in that direction, but she never mentioned it.  She also spent a total of 20 minutes here and never made it to my "clean" kitchen.  But she never mentioned the mess and for that I love her.

Yes, that is what I have stooped too.  Josh and I are picking up a few more sleeping bags for our next cocktail party.  Especially since the Caboose's new favorite activity is to create a mess like this in under 2 minutes.  Yes, 2 minutes, the approximate amount of time I have to take a shower these days.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Oh man! I feel for you on this one. It is impossible to keep things neat and tidy with small children around. I am sure your visitor understands this, hell....she probably has the same damn problem and related totally to your laundry piled covered in a sleeping bag.

And if Miss judgy pants didn't....screw her!

Hilarious post. I so relate;)